I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
