you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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