No more Irish car bombs ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
