i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My feet surprised me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
