i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
