Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
