i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
