So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
