marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just had sex bonerless
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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