omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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