Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Randomize