OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I love you.
Bad choice
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
