Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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