Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
