My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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