Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
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there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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