So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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