And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
