So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
