i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
