my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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