This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you never un-have a 4some
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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