I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
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I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He did a backflip because drugs
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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