I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
