I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
