Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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