He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
