She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
