the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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