i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
