At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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