Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
