i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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