I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
