If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize