She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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