After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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