can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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