So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
