started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
