i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
