then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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