he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
