Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
