After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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