You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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