so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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