I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
