A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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