I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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