I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
