We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
