Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
third nipple confirmed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
