the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
