I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
