so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
