oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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