so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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