3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I need a beard to bite.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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