im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
