You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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