do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
