So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
either way he was missing a nipple.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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