her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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