I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
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I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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