I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
