Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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