I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
