can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
