what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize