It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
