Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize