Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
