you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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