Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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