i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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