I wish i was in the wii world.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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