just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
