Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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