Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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