dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
