I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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