Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
