I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
