This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
